Everyone talks about co-parenting like it's the only option. It isn't. If working closely with the other parent keeps leading to arguments, parallel parenting may be healthier for everyone, especially the kids.

Co-parenting means you talk often, plan together and sometimes attend events side by side. It works when both parents can stay respectful.

Parallel parenting means each parent runs their own home with minimal contact. You communicate only about the kids, mostly in writing, and stick to the agreed schedule. Long-term studies of separated families describe this as a common and workable pattern (Hetherington and Kelly 2002).

What matters most is not which style you use. It's how much conflict your kids are exposed to (Harold and Sellers 2018). Less contact between parents can mean less conflict.

What helps

• Be honest about where things are at. If every conversation turns into a fight, step back.

• Put the schedule in writing so there's less to negotiate.

• Use a co-parenting app to keep messages in one place.

• Let small things go. Different bedtimes or rules in each home won't damage your kids. Conflict will.

• Review it over time. Many parents move from parallel to cooperative as emotions settle.

Find out more: Raising Children Network: co-parenting · Relationships Australia