Kids don't need all the details. They need to know three things: it's not their fault, both parents still love them, and they'll be looked after.

If you can, tell them together with the other parent. Keep it short, calm and honest, and leave out blame (Emery 2016). Children cope better when they hear a clear, shared message and then see daily life carry on.

By age

• Under 5: Use simple words and focus on the practical. "Mum and Dad are going to live in two houses. You'll have a bed at both." Expect lots of repeat questions.

• 5 to 12: They may blame themselves or hope you'll get back together. Say clearly that it's an adult decision and it won't change.

• Teenagers: They'll want more honesty and a say in arrangements. Listen to them, but don't make them choose or treat them as your confidant.

What helps

• Plan what you'll say beforehand, and agree on it with the other parent if you can.

• Tell them a few days before any move, not on the day.

• Let them ask questions and show feelings, including anger.

• Tell their school or childcare so teachers can keep an eye on them.

Find out more: Raising Children Network · Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800