The first three months set the tone for everything that follows. The decisions you make while you're angry or scared can stay with you for years, so slow down and get the basics right.

Research is clear that separation itself is not what hurts kids most. It's ongoing conflict between parents (Harold and Sellers 2018). Most children of separated parents do well over time, especially when parents keep conflict low and stay involved (Kelly and Emery 2003).

What helps

• Keep seeing your kids. Ask for a regular, predictable arrangement as early as possible, even if it's temporary.

• Get free legal information before you agree to anything in writing. Call the Family Relationship Advice Line on 1800 050 321 or LawAccess NSW on 1300 888 529.

• Sort out a safe, stable place to live with room for the kids, even if it's basic.

• Keep copies of key documents: bank statements, payslips, Medicare and school details.

• Don't move money, close joint accounts or post about the separation on social media without advice first.

• Look after your sleep and eat properly. You can't make good decisions running on empty.

Find out more: Family Relationships Online · Legal Aid NSW · Raising Children Network: