When a relationship ends, it can feel like part of you went with it. That's not weakness. It's a normal reaction, and there's research behind it.

A breakup can shake your sense of who you are. People often say they feel confused about themselves for months afterwards (Slotter, Gardner and Finkel 2010). Separation is also one of the most stressful events an adult can go through, with real effects on physical and mental health (Sbarra, Hasselmo and Bourassa 2015). The good news is that for most people, these effects fade as they rebuild their routines and relationships.

What helps

• Write down what hasn't changed. You're still a father, a son, a friend, a worker. Those roles still matter.

• Pick up one thing you used to enjoy, or start something new. Sport, a class, a men's group, your church or community.

• Spend time with people who knew you before the relationship. They remind you who you are.

• Don't rush into a new relationship to fill the gap. Give yourself time to get steady first.

• Talk to someone. A counsellor can help you sort through what happened and where you want to go next.

Find out more: Relationships Australia · Parents Beyond Breakup